How to Tell Someone You Have Trichotillomania

Telling someone about trichotillomania can feel like a huge step, especially if you’ve kept it hidden for years. Trichotillomania (trich) is a condition where people get strong urges to pull out their own hair. Many people who pull put a lot of energy into hiding it, and some have never said the word out loud.

This guide is for adults and teenagers deciding whether, when and how to tell someone. It covers who to tell first, short scripts for a friend, a partner, a parent and a boss, how to handle a bad reaction, and dating. You set the pace. You don’t owe anyone this conversation.

Should I tell people about my trich?

Only if you want to, and only the people you choose. Keeping it private is a valid choice. Many people find, though, that telling one safe person makes trich feel lighter.

Hiding takes work. A 2018 study found that people who pull hide things about themselves and pull back from social life more than people who don’t. A 2015 review found that shame, which is common in trich and related conditions, pushes people to hide and withdraw. Telling someone can ease that load: fewer excuses, someone to talk to on a bad day, and less of the loneliness that trich feeds on.

There are risks too. In a 2005 study, 225 college students read short made-up descriptions of a fellow student with trich. The character who told people about it was rated less favourably than one who didn’t, although telling did stop readers guessing at other reasons for the hair loss. It was one small study about imaginary people, not real friendships. It’s still a fair reminder that not everyone will respond well, which is why who you tell matters more than whether you tell.

Who should I tell first?

Start with one person you trust who has kept private things private before. That first conversation shapes how the next ones feel. In a 2010 study of people living with conditions they could keep hidden, those whose first disclosure went well felt less afraid of telling people in the future.

A good first person usually:

has kept your confidences before
listens without rushing to fix things
stays calm when surprised

That might be a close friend, a sibling, a partner or a parent. Some people find it easier to start with a doctor, a therapist or a support group, where the reaction is more predictable.

If you’re a teenager, a parent or another adult you trust is often a good first person, because they can help you find support. If you’re worried about how your parents will react, you could tell a school counsellor or a relative first and ask them to help.

Start with one safe person. You decide whether, and when, the circle gets any wider.

How do I prepare for telling someone about trichotillomania?

Decide three things before you start: how much to share, what you want from them, and where you’ll talk.

How much. The name of the condition and one sentence about it are enough. You don’t have to show anyone your hair or say where you pull from.
What you want from them. Maybe you just want them to know. Maybe you’d like them never to mention your hair. Saying so makes it much easier for them to get it right.
Where and when. Somewhere private, when neither of you is rushed. Talking side by side, on a walk or in the car, can feel easier than face to face.

Writing it down in a text or a letter works too. You could also send them our complete guide to trichotillomania to read afterwards.

Practise the words out loud first, even on your own. It’s pronounced trick-oh-till-oh-MAY-nee-uh, and most people shorten it to “trich” (said like “trick”).

What words can I use?

Keep it short and plain: name it, explain it in one sentence, and say what you need. It helps to say clearly that trich isn’t a choice. Research at the University of Glasgow in 2018 found that the public judge conditions they see as controllable, such as hair pulling, more harshly than ones they don’t, such as alopecia (hair loss caused by the immune system).

For a close friend:

“You know how I always make excuses about swimming? There’s a reason. I have trichotillomania, a condition where I get strong urges to pull out my hair. It isn’t for attention and it isn’t self-harm. I’d rather you didn’t mention my hair, but if I seem low, it’s fine to ask how I’m doing.”

For a partner:

“I want you to know something because you matter to me. I have trichotillomania. I pull out my hair, usually when I’m stressed or not paying attention. It isn’t about you, and I can’t just stop. What helps most is if you don’t watch for it or point it out.”

For a parent, if you’re a teenager:

“I need to tell you something and I’m nervous. I’ve been pulling out my hair. It’s called trichotillomania and it’s a real condition that lots of people have. I’m not doing it on purpose, and being told to stop won’t make it stop. Can you help me find someone to talk to?”

Parents who want to understand more can read The Parent’s Guide to Trichotillomania: understanding what your child is going through.

What if they react badly?

A poor first reaction usually says more about what someone knows than about you. Most people have never heard of trich, so surprise or a clumsy question is common. Give them a moment. If it turns hurtful, you can end the conversation.

What they might say	What you could say back
“Just stop doing it.”	“I wish it worked like that. It’s a recognised condition, not a habit I choose. Being told to stop tends to make it worse.”
“Why would you do that?”	“Pulling eases an urge or tension that’s hard to switch off. Sometimes I don’t even notice I’m doing it.”
“Is that self-harm?”	“No. It’s a body-focused repetitive behaviour, a condition in the same family as obsessive-compulsive disorder. I’m not trying to hurt myself.”
They start watching your hands	“Please don’t watch for it. It makes me more self-conscious, and that makes pulling harder to resist.”

If it goes badly:

It’s fine to stop. “I can see this is a lot. Let’s talk another time” is enough.
Give them time. Some people need a day to take it in, and a first reaction can soften once they’ve read about trich.
If they share it without your permission, that’s on them. A 2025 interview study of people with trich describes this hurt, including an ex-husband who told the wider family. Lean on someone who has been supportive.

A difficult reaction isn’t the last word. You can step away, look after yourself and choose again.

One bad reaction doesn’t mean you should never tell anyone else.

What about dating?

There’s no set point when you have to tell a new partner. Many people wait until they feel some trust, and tell before things get physically close, when hiding becomes harder. Others mention it early to see how someone responds. Both are fine.

Researchers have noted that some people with trich avoid intimacy altogether to keep it secret. Telling someone you’re dating can take that pressure off. Choose a calm moment, not the middle of an argument, and keep it light if you like: it can be information, not a confession. A kind response tells you something good about the person.

“Before we get closer, I want to tell you something. I have trichotillomania, which means I pull out my hair. It’s why I sometimes wear a headscarf. You can ask me anything about it. Just please don’t make a big deal of it.”

If they want to know how to be supportive, point them to our guide on how to support someone with trichotillomania.

What about telling my boss or colleagues?

You usually don’t have to tell your employer, and many people never do. It can help if pulling affects your work, if you’d like a small change such as using a fidget in meetings, or if you’re tired of hiding it. Keep it brief and practical.

“I want to let you know I have a condition called trichotillomania. It’s a recognised condition where I get urges to pull my hair. It doesn’t affect my ability to do my job. I sometimes use a fidget toy in meetings, which helps. I’d appreciate it if you kept this between us.”

Your rights at work depend on where you live. Our guide to trichotillomania at work covers managing urges at a desk and the changes you can ask for.

When should I get help?

Talk to someone who understands hair pulling if telling anyone feels impossible, if shame or hiding is taking over your life, or if a bad reaction has knocked you back. A practitioner can help you work out what to say and practise it, as well as help with the pulling itself.

Everyone in our directory has told us they understand trichotillomania and already help people who pull, in person or online. You can search the directory.

If you’re feeling very low or hopeless, please talk to someone today.

In an emergency, call 995 or go to your nearest emergency department.

Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) — 1767 (24h)
IMH Mental Health Helpline — 6389 2222

Questions people ask

Should I tell my hairdresser about trich?

You can, and many people find it makes appointments less stressful. A short line is enough: “I have a condition called trichotillomania, so there are some thin patches. Please don’t comment on them.” If a hairdresser reacts badly, it’s fine to find another one.

Can I tell someone by text or letter instead of in person?

Yes. Writing lets you choose your words, and it gives the other person time to take it in before they reply. Some people send a short message, then talk in person once the other person has had a chance to read about trich.

What if someone finds out before I’m ready?

Keep it short and calm: name the condition, say it’s something you’re dealing with, and say you’d rather not go into detail right now. You can choose to say more later, or not at all. Being found out doesn’t mean you owe anyone the full story.

How do I tell my own children that I have trich?

Use calm, simple words that suit their age, for example: “I have something called trich. Sometimes my hands pull out my hair, even when I don’t want them to. It isn’t catching and I’m OK.” Let them ask questions, and keep the tone matter-of-fact.

Will telling people make my pulling better?

There’s no research showing that telling people reduces pulling by itself. What it can do is ease the shame and hiding that come with trich, and supportive people can make it easier to get help. Telling someone is about feeling less alone, not a treatment.

Should I talk about my trich on social media?

It’s your call. Some people find sharing publicly connects them with others who pull and takes the power out of hiding. Others prefer to keep it offline. Anything you post can be hard to take back, so it helps to tell a few people privately first.